


even if my tears fall and My Heart Hates Me

by GilgaNyan (NarryEm)



Series: Volleyball!! Gays [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 10:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7680502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/GilgaNyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t always like this. At least when they were younger, he stood a chance against the fickle tendencies of the human heart.  But now, now when Oikawa’s so aware of him, it may as well as be a set-up match.</p>
            </blockquote>





	even if my tears fall and My Heart Hates Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “I Love You” by Little Mix.
> 
> I guess this can be set sometime between summer and the Spring High Tournament qualifiers.

“Good practice, everyone!” Oikawa shouts, soon buried by their teammates’ booming cheers.  As usual, the gaggle of girls on the stands squeal with delight when Oikawa sends a wink in their direction.

“Help out with the clean up, Trashykawa!” Iwaizumi barks, sending a volleyball right into the back of his head.

“Ow, that was mean, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whines, turning to point his sad, pained expression at Iwaizumi.

“Don’t try that shit with me.  And can’t you do something about the girls coming to watch our practice?   It’s distracting whenever they squeal every time you take a breath!”

Oikawa sticks his tongue out.  “Aww, I can’t be mean to our fans, Iwa-chan.  That would definitely disrupt the good morale we have going on.”

Iwaizumi shakes his head and picks up a few balls off the floor.  To his relief, Oikawa has remained to help out with the clean-up as opposed to running off and flirting with the girls.  Sooner or later, he will learn that playing around with people’s hearts will have consequences.

“Iwa-chan~” Oikawa says as he locks up the equipment room.  “Do you mind if I can’t join you on our way home?”

“Whatever.  Where are you headed then?”

Oikawa claps him on the shoulder.  “Nowhere important.  Ah, we both stick of sweat.  Let’s hurry and get changed into our jerseys, Iwa-chan.”

Of course, there is no way that Oikawa can fool Iwaizumi with his half-assed diversions.  As soon as they have changed and exchanged goodbyes with their teammates, Iwaizumi pretends to walk towards the direction of his house.  He gives himself thirty seconds before he turns on his heels and follows the direction he saw Oikawa go.

He isn’t surprised to find Oikawa pick the route that will lead him straight to Karasuno.  He clenches his teeth and he follows the dumbass to the school’s outer perimeters.  Their team seems to have finished their practice as well, judging by the trickles of people exiting the school gates.  Kageyama and their number ten among the last to get out.

“Tobio-chan!” he hears Oikawa greet familiarly.

“Oikawa-san?” both Kageyama and Hinata blurt out.

“Chibi-chan, mind if I borrow my dear kouhai for a minute?” Oikawa asks.

“S-sure?” Hinata answers.  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Kageyama.”

Hinata jumps onto his bike and sets off, riding past Iwaizumi’s hiding spot.  If he saw Iwaizumi, he shows no sign of it.  Iwaizumi treks Oikawa and Kageyama with his eyes as Oikawa leads him to a secluded spot away from the school grounds.

By the time Iwaizumi is within the earshot of their conversation, they appear to have blown past the pleasantries.  “Why are you here, Oikawa-san?” Kageyama grits out.

“I’m just here to see my dear kouhai like I said,” Oikawa replies simply with a grin.  His eyes are too good at hiding the malice lurking just below the surface.

“Please cut that out.  You are here too late to scope out our team if that is what you were after.  I think I can safely say that your sole purpose in coming here was because you had some kind of business with me.”

Oikawa’s smile shifts from easygoing to arctic in a split second.  “I can’t fool you, huh, Tobio-chan?  Alright, I’ll get straight to the point then.”

With that, he grabs the front of Kageyama’s jersey and pulls him in.  Using Kageyama’s momentary lapse in balance, he kisses Kageyama.  The kiss is over almost as soon as it began, barely giving Iwaizumi enough time to process what happened.

“This again.”  _Again?  What do you again?_ Iwaizumi screams out in his head.   “If this is your tactic to sway my resolve, you are wasting your time.”

Oikawa composes his face into one that even Iwaizumi cannot read.  “I guess I’ll have to keep on trying, don’t I, then?  I’ll see you around, Tobio-chan~”

Iwaizumi catches up to Oikawa the moment they are out of Kageyama’s sight.  “What the fuck was that?”

If Oikawa is surprised to see him there, he doesn’t let it show on his face.  “Ah, Iwa-chan.  You saw that, didn’t you?  Think of it as a kind senpai greeting his former kouhai.”

“Bullshit,” he spits out.  “Don’t think you can lie straight to my face, Shittykawa.  I’ve known you for years, remember?”

Oikawa scratches the back of his head.  He starts to laugh but Iwaizumi can see the tears in his eyes.  “Iwa-chan, you really act like my mother, don’t ya?  If you really are my mother, please let this go.”

“The hell I will, you idiot!” he grabs the collar of Oikawa’s collar and twists it up, not unlike how Oikawa treated Kageyama a few minutes ago.  “If this is going to affect the qualifiers, we need to sort this out now before it becomes dire.”

“I told you earlier that this is nothing important!” Oikawa explodes.  “Don’t treat me like a little boy with his first crush!”

Iwaizumi all but throws Oikawa into a nearby tree.  A few of the passersby gasp and start to eye them up with worry in their eyes.

“Then don’t behave like one,” Iwaizumi warns before he lets Oikawa go.  He doesn’t even bother to wait for Oikawa’s response as he storms off.

 

 

-

 

 

Iwaizumi hates to admit it but he can’t stop himself from following Oikawa after practices.  Their team has definitely picked up on their tension and they do everything they can to stay out of it or overcome it during the practices.  As a third year, Iwaizumi berates himself for not being mature enough to confront Oikawa about it.  Come to think of it, half the fault is with Oikawa, seeing that he has not stopped sneaking off to Karasuno to rile up Kageyama with his indecency.

But it only takes about a week for the tables to turn against Iwaizumi’s favour.

Instead of letting Oikawa drag him into his game, Kageyama surprises both Oikawa and Iwaizumi by initiating the kiss.  When they break apart, both of them are breathing hard and Kageyama’s lips look suspiciously wet.  He himself looks surprised by his own actions.  While he can’t hear the words they are exchanging, Iwaizumi can deduce enough from their facial expressions.

He thought he had a head start returning home but it takes Oikawa only a minute to catch up to him.

“My, my, do we have a peeping tom here?” Oikawa singsongs.

“I told you to stop toying around with the poor kid,” he warns.

“But you saw him kiss me back, didn’t you, Iwa-chan?”

“Your flippant attitude disgusts me,” he retorts.

Oikawa wraps his arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders.  “Meanie.  Do you want to know why he finally kissed me back?”

Only a fool would have to look up to see that Oikawa is one second away from tears.  Instead of asking for the obvious, Iwaizumi clamps his hand over Oikawa’s mouth.  Oikawa shakes his head as he steps backwards to free himself.

“You can’t do that, that’s cheating.”

Oikawa pushes Iwaizumi into a smaller alley and traps him between his arms and a wall.  Iwaizumi stares blankly at Oikawa, unimpressed.

“Why aren’t you saying anything, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asks hoarsely, tears finally flowing down his cheeks.  His voice breaks over the next words.  “C’mon!  Punch me, kick me, be your usual self!  Don’t take pity on me just because Tobio told me that that was the last time!  Dammit, why aren’t you doing anything? Say something I’m g—”

He can’t even call it a kiss; no, it’s far too violent and one-sided to call it such a romantic, thought-out gesture.  It’s Iwaizumi-s selfishness materialised, crushed and rendered impossible in the wake of Oikawa’s heartache.  He isn’t expecting anything back.  A punch for a knee-kick to the guts, maybe, but not for Oikawa to kiss him back.  He knows all too well that Oikawa is only acting out of desperation.

Then why can’t he find the strength to push Oikawa away and put an end to his pitiful emotions?

He can’t reject Oikawa when Oikawa grabs his hand and leads him to his empty house.  He doesn’t pull up the brake when Oikawa kisses him while their clothes fall off with soft rustles.  He only encourages Oikawa on with his on touches and kisses that push them far past the point of no return.

They are both naked and decidedly and noticeably debauched by the time Iwaizumi’s common sense returns.  Looking at Oikawa’s peaceful, sleeping face is enough for Iwaizumi to justify their actions a few hours ago.  The bed is surrounded by the traces of their clumsy attempts at sex and it doesn’t sit well with Iwaizumi to leave the mess.  He wipes himself down brusquely in the bathroom, confirming that the inconsiderate bastard has left more than a handful of marks all over his body.

“That Shittykawa,” he mutters, poking at one particularly large bruise blooming on his shoulder.  Knowing his teammates, he braces himself for the hounding he will receive tomorrow.

When he returns to Oikawa’s bed, he sees that Oikawa has curled up on his side.  He retakes the spot next to Oikawa.  Even he has to admit that Oikawa is adorable when he curls up snugly against his side.

Maybe he wasn’t wrong to give up after all these years.

 

 

-

 

 

Iwaizumi knows that it is irrational but he wants to make sure.  At least that is what he chants inside his head as he makes his way to Karasuno.  Since there is no way that he will see Oikawa here, he doesn’t even have to be careful about being seen.

“Iwaizumi-san?” Kageyama says.  “Why are you here?”

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully.  “I suppose I want to commend you for not getting swept up in Oikawa’s game.   You did the right thing by telling him off.  Although, you sure did take your time.”

Something is off.  Kageyama’s face is starting to turn pink and he is slow to nod in agreement.  Is he hesitant to indirectly insult his old senpai or is there more to it?  Iwaizumi can’t think of a reason unless . . .

Unless he changed his mind overnight.

To add insult to injury, he hears Oikawa calling out: “Tobio-chan!  You are quite the fickle one, aren’t you?  What is it that you wanna tell me?”

Kageyama brushes past Iwaizumi.  But before the distance between them grows, he whispers low so only Iwaizumi can hear.  “I guess if I can’t have the person I want the most, I can have the person who wants me the most.  Goodbye, Iwaizumi-san.”

He sees it as if it were a slow-motion clip playing on screen.  Kageyama runs up to Oikawa and Oikawa, the bastard, flashes him a genuine smile.  Their mouths move and Oikawa’s smile brightens up further.  Iwaizumi’s knees give out and he watches as the two of them walk away, hand in hand.

“Only the fool persists in the face of impossibility, huh?”

He wipes the treacherous tears from his face and slowly stands up.  He won’t tell Oikawa the truth.   The asshole doesn’t deserve it after what transpired last night.  There is no need for Iwaizumi to linger in the past.  He won’t let himself get swallowed up by grief.  He has put up with the unrequited love for years; an outright heartbreak is in similar vein.

Right?


End file.
